"Thank you Jesus for a crazy time in my life. As for new challenges, bring it on. I am ready and willing to depend on you and not trust in my own ways but acknowledge you for the great God that you are. Thank you for letting me walk your narrow road. I am ready to live Isaiah 35 in my life."
Famous Last Words by Ryan Unger 2 months ago....
Its not like I didn't really mean it, I am thankful and I am up for new challenges but seriously...holy crap!
2 months ago I found myself in a conversation, a conversation that little did I know would open the door to change my life....for the better...and, for the (currently what seems like the) worse.
Love was in the air, I remember holding this person in my arms and saying "I don't deserve someone as great as you." (something to that effect save a bunch of other mushy stuff) there was an immediate reaction of "Yes you are worthy!" I didn't know what to say or what to think other then, "No I wasn't!" I am not even deserving of alot of the things that are good that happen to me.
Fast forward to the first week on the mobile trip I am away with a new team and I am asked to share my testimony...well, I shared what I always share...a story, not just any story but one that really shows how faithful God is! Its a good one for sure but after 10 minutes of talking, I realized one thing, this story wasn't at all about me! I was merely deflecting my story and putting someone elses story into the mix. I realized then that I didn't deserve to be "in the spotlight" in my own testimony plus, no one really wants to get to know me, I am not worth it, right?
Oh man, now on to week 2 on the trip and this person who spoke life into me...who changed my perspective on my view of God...who dreamed crazy dreams with me, turned right around and not in just words but in actions said the exact opposite. You are not worth it. You are not valuable at all....You know that saying that says "Actions speak louder then words." true but James (in the Bible) talks about from the same mouth brings blessings and cursings, life and death, hope and hopelessness....I know what that means even more now.
The weeks drug on, words had been said to convey one thing or another. Hope was given and taken away. And then cheated, deserted, abandoned, betrayed. That was the last few weeks of this trip I was on.
Now the challenge. Where am I placing my identity? Do I hold my value in what and how God sees me? Was/Is it placed in a relationship that I was wanting to invest everything into? And IN that, now how do I respond to what has just happened? Do I truly walk in forgiveness and grace just like God treated me when he died on that cross for me? Do I truly believe that...(as simple as it sounds)...that Jesus Loves Me? Bring on the days Lord. I am sure the next few days, weeks, whatever, will be rough to actually live this forgiveness and grace out but....what else can I do?
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